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| Flowers are probably the best gift to give for a dinner party however, there are several rules for buying flowers. If you are buying them for a funeral, get an even number. If buying them for any other reason, get an odd number. Also resist the temptation to buy too many. Three will be appreciated far more than 11. This is especially true for visiting Americans, who are often thought of as overbearing. (More than three is fine, if there are more women present). Different colored flowers are given for different occasions, and have different meanings (white - innocence, red - love, yellow - sadness). Certain types of flowers also have special meanings. The safest way to go is probably with gladiolus, chrysanthemums, daffodils, or lilies. Other GiftsEver since the Mongolian invasion, tea has been the most popular drink in Russia. Tea from India or Central Asia is considered the best but, since it has become more available, a gift of English Earl Grey is always welcome. Get "the real tea" though, not tea bags. Many other things make good gifts. However, if you find yourself in Russia and you haven't brought anything with you, a Russian lacquer box (shkaw-tool-kuh) is always a good choice. If you give medicine or anything sharp, expect to receive some (small amount of) money for it from your host - Take it, it's just a superstition. If your host has children, they will appreciate a gift for a child more than one for themselves. Something small, one each if there are multiple children, is best. Toy make-up, puzzles, and matchbox-type toy cars work well. Always give the gifts (always unwrapped) as soon as you have entered the home. You should plan to arrive 15-20 minutes late. Forget about American punctuality, the rule does not apply here. No one will be ready to receive you, and it will not be appreciated if you show up right on time. One of the most important things to remember when visiting a Russian's home is to compliment something (preferably something to large for them to feel compelled to offer it to you – a book shelf). If there is something in the room that your host has made by hand, that's the thing to praise. Seating will normally be "Boy-Girl, Boy-Girl" and you will not sit next to your spouse. While standing around talking, keep in mind that a Russian's "personal space" is only about 12 inches. If someone seems to be standing uncomfortably close, try to be patient. Everyone will probably say the Russian words for Bon Appetit (pronounced pree-yawt-nuh-vuh awp-eh-tee-tuh). If you've dined in Europe before, most of this will sound familiar. Russians put the fork on the left side of the plate (used in the left hand) and the knife on the right (used by the right hand). When not being used, they are placed with their tips on the edge of the plate (fork tines down), and they are laid across the plate horizontally when you are finished. Also, a spoon is used for eating cake, etc., not a fork. (Try not to spill the salt. According to Russian superstition this means there will be a bad fight between members of the family.) A word of warning. If you are not prepared to drink fairly heavily, by American standards, don't take that first drink! Once you have shown that you do drink, your hosts will expect you to (more or less) keep up with them. It's all good-natured, but they will often try to shame you into drinking with them, saying that you aren't a "real man/woman," if you don't drink with them, etc., etc. If you are not prepared for this, don't start. If you have someone on your company's team who gets loose lips with sensitive business information when they're drinking, you may want to suggest they not drink. Your Russian host will normally offer the first toast. If it is your host's birthday/anniversary, a very close friend will offer the first toast. A good second toast you can offer is (or ends with) "Za hawz-yah-yev," (to our hosts). Your Russian host will counter-toast. If there is a military member (or retiree) present, give them the opportunity to offer the third toast "to those who have fallen in war." Another good toast for you to offer at this point is "Za dahm," (to the women) – Sorry ladies, but you will encounter a different degree of male-chauvanism than you may be accustomed to. After this, and as the drinking progresses, the toasts become more and more creative. It is acceptable to ask to help clean up after the meal. Sometimes (not often) you will be taken up on your offer. It's an honor to be invited into the kitchen. It is a special place where normally only the closest circle of friends and relatives are allowed. If you have to leave early, which you should avoid, bid everyone farewell clearly. Go out of your way to make sure no one feels you "slipped out in the American way." Note for Guests in Muslim HomesOne of the most important rules here is not to compliment anything except the host's hospitality or he may feel (even overwhelmingly) compelled to give it to you. Complimenting Russian hospitality however, is the easiest thing in the world because you will be given the best of everything they have to offer. (It's good to remember this in case something isn't quite up to par.) There are a few additional rules to remember when hosted in a Muslim home. Make sure not to touch your nose while talking to someone. It's something akin to another gesture you've probably encountered on U.S. highways. Don't cross your legs or sit with your feet out in front of you in such a way that the soles of your shoes are visible to others. This has a similar meaning to the aforementioned gesture. Women often remain unseen by guests. Normally, the men sit in the living room and smoke and wait, while the women prepare the meal. Quite often the women will not even join the men during the meal. If you are introduced to the female members of a family, consider yourself honored. [Note: This is based on my experience in dealing with public officials (mainly at the ministerial level) throughout the Central Asian former Soviet Republics. Other areas may not be as strict.] Russians never start a new, important program or project on a Monday. If arranging a business trip, fly in on Monday and begin work on Tuesday. Also keep in mind that Russians normally disappear from the cities and go to their "dachas" (cottages) on weekends. (This holds true not only for those well-to-do. Most families really count on the vegetables they grow at their dachas to supplement their food supply). In any event, make sure your business is wrapped up before noon on Friday. Friendships among Russians are much closer than most American friendships. When you consider the importance of trust, (A public denunciation during Stalin's time meant exile to the GULAG) it is easy to understand why. If you stay in Russia long enough to make close friendships, you quite likely may feel overwhelmed by the amount of contact your Russian friends want to have with you. It's best to simply be aware if this before entering into such a relationship. Always use the cloak-room. It is not socially acceptable to wear your coat in. Rent binoculars, even if you have your own. Those who do so move to the front of the cloak-room line automatically, when they check in their binoculars. Don't be late. You will not be allowed to take your seat, if you arrive late (like in the U.S.), but you may also lose your seat! Russians like to move around into more comfortable (better) seats after the curtain goes up. As you enter your row, make sure you face those you are "stepping over." It is considered very rude to have any side other than your front pointing in their general direction. Whistling is better suited to baseball anyway, but, in case you're tempted, whistling means you think the performance was awful. Unless it really was, and everyone else feels the same way, save yourself the embarrassment.  BriberyBribery has been a normal part of life in Russia for many years. It can be tricky knowing when to, and not to, offer a "gift." If you are having trouble getting a heavy piece of equipment or overweight suitcase onto a plane for a domestic flight, for instance, a few dollars/rubles, or something else of value, will normally get things moving. Many gestures are the same in Russia as in the U.S., such as the "thumbs up." You may see a couple of others as well. One is a Russian tapping the backs of his fingers under his chin, which means he would like to have a drink. Another is someone holding two fingers against their chest, which means that they are looking for a third person to go in on a bottle of vodka. Now you know many of the most important cultural particularities of the Russian people. If you really want to maximize your relationships with them, pick up some "survival" Russian in the "Words and Phrases" area at: www.reedline.com/survival.htm. The first time you encounter some of these superstitions, they will seem quite odd, but Russians are very superstitious. There is a very good book on Russian superstitions by Zita Dabars and Lilia Vokhmina called The Russian Way if you would like to learn more. Russians never shake hands across the threshold of a doorway. It is considered bad luck. This superstition is unusually widespread and tightly adhered to. You should also only tell a Russian good morning (good day…) once for the whole day. Then you can nod and smile if you wish. Even after working with Russians every day for years, the urge to say hello more than once doesn't go away. Always sit quietly for a few moments before you leave the house. Once you leave, don't return for any reason. If it can not be helped, look in a mirror before leaving again. Other mirror-related superstitions: Don't break a mirror (common), and if you see the mirrors in someone's home covered with cloth, it means they are in (9 days) mourning. Celebrate nothing before its time. (Or it won't come to fruition.) If a bird flies into the room, someone within your closest circle of friends/family will die. Never sit on the corner of a table. (I'm not sure why.) If two friends bump heads accidentally, they should do it again, to avoid getting into an argument. |
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